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I drift off to a monotone as the night carasses me. My thoughts slowly fades into darkness, blending in with the night; adrift into a common different world of reality. I was away from consciousness when an abrupt sound of shattering glass pierced through the walls of my room. My eyes shot open. My heart started to pound heavily under my chest. Fear embeded my soul though comforted by the warmth of the blanket around me. Shaken I was..
I gathered my willpower and i had myself striding across my room to the door. I flinched by a flash of lightning followed by the deafening thunder. It was already raining. I turned the door knob and took a peek outside my room. A gasp managed to escape under my breath. My heart was in my throat and I feel a chill running down my spine.....
The night lamp was in pieces on the floor and the house door was wide open. All were complete black. The only light I could see was the streetlights slittering through the door and windows, litting the house dimly; creating an eerie effect. I hold my breath and took a step out of my room. All were quiet except for the falling rain pattering the zinc roof.
Silently I tip-toed across the hall to my parent's bedroom. Then, I was frozen in mid-track.
A scream had just revibrated through the house; comming from my parent's bedroom. I held my breath and felt myself squeezing my heart that it skipped a beat. A shadow stretched out from my parent's bedroom as the doors creaked open.....

Driven with my chain of thoughts.. Unravealing the course of my stand.. What i am and what i want to be...
Underlining my weaknesses.. Highlighting my strengths.. To what i can achieve are miracles, i will pursue... Dependency i shall not for i must believe in standing on my own... Learning i am to be independent or interdependent instead of clinging on to people.. I must not expect others' support but to attain my own.. To lead my life instead of following my life....

Today i embarked on a journey to school taking 166; alternative bus- 74... The trip was a tedious pain-in-the-butt... Landmarks, neighbourhoods and offices passed me by... A full one hour forty-five minutes of figeting in my chair.... Ouch..! but on contrary.. it was worth the pain...
Advantages override the disadvantages in hand.. factors like money-wise and accessibility... an addition of diciplinary practice of which i can manage to fullfill... though time come in as a nuisance for me....

"love is not just about finding someone whom u can live with
love is about finding someone whom u cannot live without"
....paul zhongyi....

"Yesterday is a cancelled cheque.. Tomorrow is a promising note.. Today is money.."
....bro hamzah....

well.... the past few days rolled by wth things hovering in my mind...

i've been in my attempt in moving on... in stabling myself from a fall... in getting myself to a platform to which i may stand... a place where i will be assured a stability... a ground... a foundation.....

to have my thoughts right... to have my life...

but things have not been going the way i think i would wan it to go.. ya i do try in striving forward... shoving myself thru the thickening mist that hovered before me... and as i go further... i feel myself lost... trying to look back... all i see are blurred visions... everything are of a moving silhouette... the world of which it revolves without taking notice of this undying soul who is in need of a motivation.... -> i am now on my own......

i made myself a list... to get my priorities right... to amend my mistakes to other living beings... to those who i believe i do owe them a favour in which i have yet to repay........ but where do i start...???
-my family
-my relatives
-my teachers
-my friends
these are everybody to me... and they too are everything to me..... they are a part of me...

to those who are reading this... if in any way i have done my wrongs... do accept my deepest apology.... i believe every living souls do make mistakes... and from my humble regrets.. i will amend watever mistakes i'd done...

moving on to build myself a better person... the thought is somewhat giving me a drive... but the pavement have yet to be paved... the future awaits.... and i will never know what lies in front of me... but im recuperating myself.... cause in the very first place... i think i have yet to have my confidence in myself... i've been clinging on to people and trying not to let go.... i was scared.... and the fear embedded me to an extend that i did go to drastic measures...

crying without tears.. saying without words... the world as it seems has nothing more for me... nothing for this pursuer to proceed.. i feel rejected... a feeling of patheticness suppress my thoughts... as life it seems too short... as life it seems lifeless...

as days go by without the presence of dee....

im gasping for a breath.. maybe trying to even call out her name... but in every attempt it just seems so hard... and im being drowned by the waters of the pacific... fantically looking for any land i could find in sight... however all i see are just the horizon... in every angle... in every direction...